What to Do After You Yell at Your Kid
(A love letter to the mom who feels like she just broke everything)
Hey mama.
So… you yelled.
You said the thing in that tone.
Your kid’s face crumpled.
And now you’re sitting in the aftermath—heart pounding, guilt spiraling, wondering how the hell you ended up here.
You’re not alone.
I’ve been there.
I was there. Not long ago.
I had one of the hardest weeks I’ve had in years.
I snapped, I screamed, and then I sat in my bathroom sobbing, feeling like a monster.
It wasn’t my finest moment.
And the shame that followed? It was LOUD.
“You ruined everything.”
“They’re going to remember this forever.”
“You’re literally the mom who teaches emotional regulation—what the actual f*ck is wrong with you?”
And maybe that voice is screaming at you too right now.
So let me speak louder—softly, but louder:
You are not a bad mom.
You’re a mom who had a hard moment.
And you’re allowed to come back from it.
If you're new here—hi, I’m Kirstie.
I’m a mom, an EFT tapping practitioner, and the founder of The Tapping Mama, where I help mothers move through guilt, overwhelm, and emotional chaos with way more grace, softness, and self-compassion.
Not because I’ve mastered it.
But because I live it.
I’ve been the mom sobbing in the bathroom after bedtime.
I’ve snapped. I’ve spiraled. I’ve hated myself.
And I’ve also found real tools that help me come back to myself—again and again.
That’s what I’m here to share with you.
Not a perfect plan.
A practice.
One that helps you soften instead of shame yourself, repair instead of ruminate, and actually feel held in the mess of motherhood.
1. Breathe first. Seriously.
You don’t need to fix it right now.
You don’t need the perfect apology script.
You don’t even need to stop crying.
What you do need is to breathe.
That moment when you exploded? It wasn’t just about what your kid did. It was your nervous system hitting the wall. You were already fried. Already overstimulated. Already running on fumes.
Put your hand on your chest. One on your belly.
Take one deep, shaky breath. And then another.
You’re safe now. The moment passed.
You’re not in danger—you were overwhelmed.
There’s a difference.
(And if you want a gentle tap-along, I made this 1-minute reset video for exactly this.)
2. Shame isn’t how we change
I know it feels like you should beat yourself up.
Like if you just hated yourself enough for it, maybe you’d stop doing it.
But that’s not how healing works.
Shame doesn’t make you a better mom—it just keeps you stuck in the same painful loop.
Let’s flip this.
Picture your best friend sitting across from you, eyes swollen from crying. She just told you she yelled at her kid and now she feels like the worst mom in the world. Would you say:
“Yeah, wow. You really should hate yourself. That’ll teach you.”?
No.
You’d cup her face in your hands, look into her eyes, and say:
“You had a hard moment.
But that moment doesn’t define you.
And it doesn’t cancel out the love you pour into your kids every single day.”
Now do me a favor.
Put your hands on your cheeks—softly, like you’re holding the face of that same mama. Maybe she’s your inner child. Maybe she’s your actual child. Either way, she needs love right now.
Say this out loud:
“That was hard.
I wish I had handled it differently.
But I can still love myself here.
I’m allowed to come back.”
Say it through tears. Say it while tapping. Say it like you mean it—or like you want to mean it.
You deserve grace too.
3. Repair when you're ready
You don’t need a perfect speech.
You don’t need the “gentle parent” gold star.
You just need your heart.
When your nervous system has settled, and you can come back to your child with softness, go to them.
Get low. Look in their eyes. And say something like:
“I’m really sorry I yelled. That must have felt scary. I was feeling overwhelmed, and I lost my patience. I’m working on it.”
You don’t need to over-explain.
Just let them know it wasn’t their fault.
Let them feel safe again.
That’s what real repair looks like. Not perfection. Presence.
4. Talk to the part of you that’s hurting
You know the part I mean.
The one curled up inside, scared and ashamed.
The one that still believes she’s unlovable because of how she reacted.
Close your eyes.
Put your hands on your cheeks—like you’re holding the face of that little girl.
Maybe she’s 5. Maybe she’s you. Maybe she looks like your daughter.
She’s crying. She’s afraid she messed everything up.
Can you say to her:
“I see you, sweetheart.
You were overwhelmed.
You didn’t know what else to do.
And I still love you.”
“You’re not too much.
You’re not broken.
You are still good.
You’re still mine.”
Breathe that in. Let her feel your love.
This is the moment you get to be the mother you always needed.
To show up for yourself the way you do for everyone else.
This is reparenting.
This is healing.
This is how you shift the story.
5. Ask yourself: “What do I want to remember?”
Not “What do I want to beat myself up for?”
Not “How do I make sure this never happens again?”
Just… what do I want to remember?
That I didn’t eat lunch again.
That I was holding way too much.
That bedtime after a long day is a lot.
That I can lose my temper and still come back with love.
That repair is possible.
That I’m allowed to start over.
You are not the moment you lost your cool.
You are everything that happens next.
If no one’s said it yet today:
You are not a monster.
You’re a mom who needs more support.
You’re allowed to come undone.
You’re allowed to come back.
You’re still worthy of love—especially in the moments you struggle to give it.
I’m right here with you.
Always.
P.S. If you need help shifting out of that shame spiral and back into your body, I made something for you.
It’s called The Tapping Mama Reset—a free 3-minute guided EFT practice to help you release guilt, regulate your nervous system, and come back to yourself.
You’re not alone in this.
And you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. 💛